I busted a flipper last week.
Unfortunately, I’m not a guy and I can’t just use my other hand now that my left hand is fucked up. I’m left handed and that’s just how I do things. I write, sew, crochet, hold open books, turn door knobs, eat… and EVERYTHING with my left hand.
Since I now have a bright green brace on my left hand I get the inevitable question: how’d you do that?
Honestly, I don’t know. I have no idea.
I have three kids and three dogs and the Great Dane is skilled at mixed martial arts. I’m sure I’ve pounded on a few walls and doors with that hand too (kids, dogs, etc…) I need to come up with a cool story.
I was fighting ninjas because they don’t like the pirate stickers on the back of my truck.
I used my hand to muffle the sound of a slamming door while pulling off a cat burglary.
I fell off the stripper pole awkwardly.
I bitch-slapped Chuck Norris and broke a phalange on his chiseled features.
I broke the record for speed-typing.
I’m the back-up dancer in a Lady Gaga video and when I grabbed my fellow dancer’s crotch it was pointier than I expected.
The tranquilizer dart on the grizzly bear I was wrestling didn’t work as quickly as the package said.
I’ll probably just say what I said to the dude at the store on Saturday. “I just like weapons.” The look on his face was PRICELESS. Then he grinned and said “well, for you, you get a 30% discount.”