how’d you do that?

27 09 2010

I busted a flipper last week.

Unfortunately, I’m not a guy and I can’t just use my other hand now that my left hand is fucked up.  I’m left handed and that’s just how I do things.  I write, sew, crochet, hold open books, turn door knobs, eat… and EVERYTHING with my left hand.

Since I now have a bright green brace on my left hand I get the inevitable question: how’d you do that?

Honestly, I don’t know.  I have no idea.

I have three kids and three dogs and the Great Dane is skilled at mixed martial arts.  I’m sure I’ve pounded on a few walls and doors with that hand too (kids, dogs, etc…)  I need to come up with a cool story.

I was fighting ninjas because they don’t like the pirate stickers on the back of my truck.

I used my hand to muffle the sound of a slamming door while pulling off a cat burglary.

I fell off the stripper pole awkwardly.

I bitch-slapped Chuck Norris and broke a phalange on his chiseled features.

I broke the record for speed-typing.

I’m the back-up dancer in a Lady Gaga video and when I grabbed my fellow dancer’s crotch it was pointier than I expected.

The tranquilizer dart on the grizzly bear I was wrestling didn’t work as quickly as the package said.

I’ll probably just say what I said to the dude at the store on Saturday.  “I just like weapons.”  The look on his face was PRICELESS.  Then he grinned and said “well, for you, you get a 30% discount.”

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2 responses

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