This is my “My Sister Made Me Jump On A Bouncy House” face. I look pretty damn good, actually!
My siblings are disturbingly crazy. They do shit like run miles and ride bicycles and do flips in bouncy houses. Crazy!
Needless to say, I’m not the athletic sibling. I’m the adorable sibling who reads books and is a quiet nerd girl. These genetically similar idiots were chasing each other through the Jump Zone play place at the mall and throwing each other off the big slide. THEN they started doing barrel rolls down the giant slide attached to the blow up pirate ship. Even my MOTHER was jumping around in the Super Mario themed house and rolling down the slides.
My sister finally talked me into going down the super-slide which shoots you down like a greased pig at the redneck games. We did that a couple of times with various kids (mine and my nephews) in different chain combinations. Then, THEN, she got me in the big bouncy house.
The first difficulty of bouncy houses is standing up for any length of time.
The second is that when a 60 lb child is bouncing towards your prone form, the only thing to do is duck and cover. I took a heel to my ear and then I was done playing.
I wasn’t upset or anything, I just have this overwhelming sense of self-preservation. It said “if you don’t stop now, you’re gonna end up needing a stiff drink and a doctor.”
In our ridiculously mixed-race genetics, a few particular ones pop out at times. My brother got the hipster/nerd gene. He wears shorts, flip flops and a long sleeve shirt and his vehicle of choice is a kayak. He drives a Honda Civic. He builds nerf sniper rifles for fun.
My sister got the built for speed gene. She’s an athletic girl through and through. She’s strong as hell and smart as a whip. The girl once did so many sit-ups that she sprained her diaphragm. Yes, my sister once sprained her lung muscle. She doesn’t prefer a vehicle because she’d rather run or jump or do cartwheels.
I got the homegirl gene. I’ve got a big bootie, a nice rack and an overwhelming sense of “no, that shit sounds stupid.” I like clean clothes, soft sheets, baths and not being in pain. I don’t like heights and I don’t like bugs or wild animals. I’ve got to be in or near a city because no one should live more than 15 minutes away from a grocery store.
My “nuh-uh” list includes:
- climbing trees
- going over a waterfall
- anything to do with wild animals
- camping anywhere without air conditioning or a coffee pot or where one could meet a wild animal
- riding a mountain bike
- bungee jumping
- sky diving
- most roller-coasters
- hiking somewhere that isn’t paved
- running for no damn reason, especially if cars are around
- sleeping on the ground
- exploring caves
It did include jumping in bouncy houses but I was peer-pressured into it! I have pictures of my relatives acting like little kids, but I need to download them and photoshop them first.
Anyways, I look cute, don’t I? I need a haircut – that’s for sure – because it took an hour just to tame the volume. I look like a dirty q-tip if I let it go. My sister bought me that top and suggested my eye make-up when we talked earlier that day. It held up really well, too! This whole “try not to look like an exhausted mom of 3 project” is going fairly well!