if I had a uterus, it would be bleeding right now

18 03 2010

Dear all my friends and readers,

The doctor did not take my ovaries when I had the magical surgery of life.  Therefore, I still have all the girly hormones that God gave me and BECAUSE the doctor did free the right one from a shit-load of endometrial fibers I actually have more than I did before.

That means that on a normal day I would ignore your trollish behavior (because I love trolls) and I’d even laugh instead of calling you a punk ass fuck nugget.  On a normal day, you wouldn’t even land on my radar for leaving me negative feedback on BookMooch.  BookMooch, if you didn’t notice is  a site where I give away my books FOR FREE and pay for shipping TO YOU so that later I can get the good karma to have another lovely BMer send a book to me at no cost to me.

The main reason I send books to other countries is because here in the Bible Belt of the USA we have a literal shit-load of self-help books based on the Bible.  (insert normal disclaimer about how if you call me a bad Christian, I’ll roll my eyes.)  In countries and states that are not here, they don’t have such a surplus.  If you want the 30 lb copy of Billy Graham’s biography and you’re in Zimbabwe, I’ll consider sending it to you.  Not that I have to explain my motives to you.  If I did, I’m sure they’d have a blank for me to fill in on my profile.

That’s why my page says “ask if not in my country.”  That’s all it says.  If I decide that it’s a good idea for me, the person who lives in my body, I’ll respond “yes, please do!”  If I decide to ignore you, go look for another copy of the mass market paperback.  You could even go onto Amazon and BUY one.  OMG, the possibilities of the internet are astounding!

But if you get pissed off that you were IGNORED ON THE INTERNET!!!!! ZOMG!!!! and you pick the time of month where I’m having a hormone overload, then all bets are off honey.

We’re not on eBay and I don’t owe you shit.

AND THEN do not in the same negative review (which you had to fraudulently mooch a book from me to cancel and leave the review) mention that you like my blog.  You raggedy mother fucker.  Are you serious?  Have you met any human beings during your time on earth?  Do you think anyone would say “hey thanks!” if you stumbled into them while drunk, pissed on them, then said “nice shirt”?

I’m very much glad you read my blog.  I really needed something to rant about today while I’m busy not bleeding.  This way I can smile at the random idiot in line to pick up the kids from school.  I can be pleasant to the UPS man.

Normally, I wouldn’t even think about supporting your arrogant view of your e-penis but today I really needed someone to cuss at.  So thank you, troll.  Please, stop by and get morally outraged.  I’ll be hormonal all week and I need you, you self-deluded camwhore!  You’re saving humanity one asshat comment at a time!




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