imma gonna quote MYSELF

17 01 2010

A little while back – probably a few weeks ago – I said this:

Most of the terribly smart people I know could pass as hare-brained, stupid-ass derelicts.  They do this on purpose so people won’t fuck with them like “quick, what’s 182 x 397?”  Bitch, I don’t know.  Go the fuck away – I’m trying to drink this latte and pretend I’m not trying to figure it out in my head.

This just means that I assume every random idiot I meet may just be the second coming of Albert Einstein.  That dude looked a little crazy, too.  If you’re an average, all-American stereotypical person, then good for you.  I’m going to assume you do a good job at your chosen profession because you CHOOSE to.  Doing a good job has not much to do with your IQ.  It has a lot to do with your attitude and your dedication.

In return, I like for people to assume that I’m good at what I do and that I’m not an idiot (even if they can’t tell by looking.)  I believe that I can know a little something about someone else’s profession and still not show disrespect to their skill or judgment.

Why is it that people assume I don’t know what I’m talking about or learn what I need to know before I walk into a meeting?  I mean there are some people who once they realize that you’re of above average intelligence are suddenly pissed off.  Their entire face changes from “hey, you can be my friend” to “I think I’m about to vomit on your shoes” in just as long as it takes them to process this information.

Now, I understand I just walked into this meeting wearing a blue t-shirt dress, hot pink tights, and some fuzzy plaid boots and you can see half of my tattoos.  I also understand that when someone walks into a meeting looking like that people make instant subconscious conclusions. This is part of my evil plan to take over the world.

However, if you admire this person’s perfectly organized Circa system and Levenger card wallet with open lust and then ask how she stays so organized (which happens in EVERY meeting I walk into), you should not be sickened when this person says “before I had kids, I was a business analyst with a background in strategic operations for dotcoms.  That’s when I started using this system.  Without it, I would not be sane. Add in the info on my Blackberry and I have every reference I need held in the palm of one hand.”

It’s not like I said “the average business person’s IQ is between 90 and 100 and my IQ easily makes average people look like drooling idiots.”  It’s also a true statement, but it’s much more offensive than stating what I did for a living before CHOOSING to stay at home and be a mother.

Activate sarcasm:

OMG, a woman who is not yet 30 years old had a career before deciding to “waste herself” raising children that she didn’t get knocked up with during a birth control accident at some random bar.  How can this be?   She was on the path to greatness, how can she not realize that children are supposed to be BURDENS or curses from God for having sex. My entire views on life have been destroyed and suddenly I think maybe my sexuality is not what I thought it was either.  I think maybe I should be a better parent by buying Prada rainboots for my child even though they cost more than my rent.

OK, I feel better now.  Back to the fo’ real part of this blog entry.

My sister ran into this problem recently too.  The guy she was with is a very nice man.  He’s wonderful with kids, is nice to his mom, and is good looking.  On the other hand, her IQ is probably double his and she’s the “dumb sibling.”  (We joke about this constantly – all of us tested within 10 pts of each other.)  When it comes to intelligence, the term “unequally yoked” comes to mind.

Shaun celebrates the fact that he’s married to a smart, gorgeous woman – this guy was threatened by my sister’s intelligence.  She would say something innocuous like “killer whales feed on sharks” and he would BLOW up about how dumb that idea was and if she proved it using Google or even YouTube he’d rant that she thought he was a dumb shit for days.

It’s like no – she doesn’t think that – YOU do.  People, get some security in YOURSELF.  My intelligence does not threaten you.  Seriously – I’m not going after your job.  I’m not telling you how to do your job.  I’m probably not going to give you a second thought.  However, if you act a fool and make an ass of yourself because of your imagined slight, then I’m going to post about your ass on the internet.

In that meeting before we got down to business, I wanted to show off my Levenger system because I’m such a huge fan of their products.  It works for parents, teachers, professionals, stay-at-home moms, stand-up comedians, and anyone who really just wants some order in their life.  (No, Levenger doesn’t give me anything – I’m just a huge dork of a fangirl.)  I did not want to smooth someone’s ego because they got butt-hurt when I destroyed their preconceived notions. I also don’t want to spend the 5 minutes of meeting prep talking about what Suri Cruise wore last week.  Um… maybe we could talk about ThinkGeek’s titanium spork or the fact that the new Microsoft Arc mouse is a beautiful thing but the “back button” on the side is way too small and poorly placed.

Turns out, the meeting went very well.  Things were accomplished, information was shared, a plan of action was formed.  Everyone was happy and light-hearted except for this one person… and for that person, I will give you a Katt Williams video.  (And if you care, Katt Williams’ has an IQ higher than mine, he’s adopted more kids than I have, he makes a ton more money than I do, and he doesn’t threaten me at all.)

Alright now, I can’t find the damn video.  At the start of Pimpin’ Pimpin’ he talks about people getting the “stomach virus face” when folk walk by.  Go buy the damn DVD and watch it for yourself.  Target got a Katt Pack on sale.

Inadvertently, I found a Katt Williams interview that makes my point much better than I could.

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