What is it about little kids where they don’t understand that you can’t carve a pumpkin to have tiny little flowers all over it? I say “draw a big face on the pumpkin” and I get a forest of 1/2 inch daisies. Can daisies form a forest?
Anyways – we have to get these pumpkins carved. I scooped the seeds out almost 3 days ago and they’re starting to get a little funky. The sooner they’re carved, the sooner I can put them outside. (Yes I am being a halloween party pooper. Deal.) My ass had the clever idea of giving the kids sharpies to draw on the pumpkin with so it would be all awesome and theirs and stuff. We’d all laugh and be happy and take pictures.
Reality is they somehow have a way of getting sharpie all over themselves, the table, the dog, the kitchen floor, the computer monitor behind them, and the bottom of the stool. What is on the pumpkin is this:
: – )
It took about 3 minutes for me to go OK, WE’RE DONE. GO MAKE FACES ON PAPER AND I’LL DO IT!!!!! After that, I got one lopsided face in 30 different colors and something that looked like hashmarks. My 4 yo is coding his pumpkin in binary. (If you say this out loud you immediately hear “what’s a binary? Is it like a bicycle? Can I have a new bicycle for my birthday?”)
LJ asked me yesterday “wouldn’t it be awesome if you were a preschool teacher?” I’m trying to think up ways to say OH HELL NO without totally making him think being a pre-k teacher would be absolute hell. Really, for me, it would be hell. I’d have the kids marching in formation by the time the first day was up. The kids would tell their parents “Miss Cyndi said that the fly on my shoulder has more status than I do. Then she called me soldier.”
I’d like to say something about that driving me to drugs and drinking, but that’s not true. I’d just get all martial arts instructor on their asses (because that’s the only way I know to deal with more than 3 kids at a time) and they’d be in sync and counting in Korean.
Because the problem with little kids is that they have no pattern to their thoughts. If you were to map their neurons, you’d get a spatter pattern with a heavy emphasis on cookies. Find the average idiot and you’d at least get a few steps to obtaining cookies. Map my German Shepherd’s thoughts and it would be like Pinky & the Brain overthrowing the government to get a way to lift them up to the top of the fridge and get down the box of cookies. The Great Dane has 2 steps – look cute, get cookie.
I guess I’m going to go carve hashmarks into a 20 lb gourd. I really hope my doctor called in my meds today. I’m gonna need them.