Today is the last day of school and the beginning of my first summer ever with three kids. It’s also getting dangerously close to our finalization date and not only will I be psychocrazywoman with the highest pulse in this sector of the universe – my brain will be randomly inserting replays of my life into the forefronts of my memory.
Having OCD can really suck. (OT: I started taking Rx Essentials for antidepressants and it’s made things 100x better. It’s a blend of B vitamins, folic acid and vitamin D. There’s a link between people who take regular meds and the vitamins they have abnormally low levels of. Check it out next time you’re at the grocery store.) I can feel that antsiness I get before I start checking things. The lists will find a breeding ground on my desk and I’ll spend hours condensing them or seperating them into categories.
For me, this isn’t really a big deal because my dad has OCD too and I was just raised with it being normal. “Extra careful” is what we’d say. Or “we have an extra tool to avert disaster.” It helps when everyone in the household is the same flavor of nuts.
I’m realizing though that my husband and kids are not crazy but are affected by my brand of loony. They don’t understand why setting one stack of paper on top of that other stack of paper means meltdown. They don’t see the dirt like I do. They don’t feel the draw to Magic Erasers or my little Dirt Devil.
Shaun has been with me long enough to tell me to take a pill and go to bed when I’m up in the middle of the night scrubbing. It’s been 13 years together and almost 10 years of marriage. The kids just don’t have that kind of experience and I feel really bad for them. I’m considering keeping a diary for each one of them for when they get older so they can maybe understand me and forgive me for being inexplicably nuts at random intervals.
I’ll just put that on my list of things to do.
1. Finish the entry of 5 things to do before you become a foster parent.
2. Write 5 helpful hints for kids with PTSD.
3. Start a diary/log book for each kid of memories and thoughts
4. Start coming up with things to do with the kids over the summer.
5. Finish organizing the coloring book pages (don’t ask – really. It’s nuts.)
I’m going to have to get an extra chair to put my crazy in. I wonder if I could tie it to a chair and leave it.