frustration

The youngest told me “my old mommy made me cookies and cake and let me eat candy.  You need to fight her for ‘world’s best mommy.’  When I grow up I’m going to make candy and feed it to all the kids with mean mommies.”  Then he told me that I should let him go to a sleepover because he was good ONE day this week.  (Never mind that no one had a sleepover planned…  I should still come up with one because he was good 20% of the time.)

The middle child gets in the car and throws a tantrum because she got in trouble at school.  An hour later the teacher called to explain the “disturbing behavior” she’d been seeing: being rude, talking back, being mean to other kids.  I told the teacher that yeah, we’d seen it at home too and yeah, I’d bring it up with her therapist and in-school help at our next meeting.  She’s also binging on food and self-harming again.  It’s been ramping up for about a month and I’m OUT of ideas.

The oldest is becoming increasingly afraid of the dark and is having crazy nightmares about people setting our pets on fire.  He’s slipping back into a fantasy world but at least can still tell the difference between real and fake when I ask.  He hates a girl at school that acts similarly to the middle child.  He says “I HATE her.  She’s SO mean!”

The extended family has more nuts than a brownie and is about as dark from all the bullshit.  They’ve always said we were going to need waders… but damn.

I grit my teeth so hard that I chipped a tooth.  I told the youngest that I’d  never be so mean as to stuff my loved ones full of poison that made them fat and sad.  I told the middle that she was grounded, not that she listened.  I told my oldest that the odds of a plane dropping out of the sky and landing on him were very, very low.  I made sympathetic noises to the extended family.

Then I distracted them with music videos on my phone.

I see the amazing things in all of them.  My brain hardly recognizes it because of the spasming going on in my neurons.  I have nice things to say but the words on my tongue start with “WHAT IN THE WORLD???”

This dude says he wants to be a billionaire so fucking bad so he can adopt a bunch of kids who ain’t ever had shit.  I hope he has some money left for nannies because DAMN.  Even kids who ain’t ever had shit aren’t grateful for what they get.  (The oldest was really upset to hear we weren’t rich even though Grandmommy has a good job at Wal-Mart. At least his expectations are low…)

I want to be upset but I remember being as big of a punk-nugget to my parents.

So I get frustrated.  I can’t stay mad because they’re just doing what comes naturally for kids.  I can’t laugh because they might keep doing it!

Nola tried to eat my new exercise stuff and has been digging under the bed but she’s fuzzy and doesn’t mind when I yell at her.  She loves me whether I’m fuming or laughing then tackles me and tries to eat my head.  Ernie bit me on the ass the other day because I wasn’t paying attention to him.  He still gets stoned on catnip and drools on my feet.  Cali chases  me around the yard while I bring in groceries and Abbie thinks “Barrel-butt” is a great nickname.  Spooks won’t let me sleep by myself.

Why aren’t people as easy?

Anyways, this song is stuck in my head: